


sick of losing soulmates

by ephmere



Series: tsukkiyama week 2019 [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Studying, soulmate au but also canon compliant but also study dates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 14:55:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20084068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephmere/pseuds/ephmere
Summary: Tsukishima didn’t believe in soulmates, but Yamaguchi knew that they existed.





	sick of losing soulmates

**Author's Note:**

> hey hey hey this is the last thing i’m doing for tsukkiyama week! it’s been really fun! hopefully this is decent because i uhh didn’t really read over it lol...

Yamaguchi tapped his pencil against his paper absentmindedly as he racked his brain for an answer to the difficult math problem in front of him. He was sprawled on the floor of Tsukishima’s room, lying on his stomach, having a study session with the other boy. Not that there was much studying going on, so much as Yamaguchi getting confused and frustrated. 

_Tap, tap tap._

Was the answer 118? No, maybe it was 110. Or possibly 73?

_Tap._

Yamaguchi felt a sudden warmth cover his hand. Shifting his gaze, he felt surprise bubble up inside of him when he saw Tsukishima’s hand on his. Tsukishima was still looking down at his paper, so Yamaguchi couldn’t see his expression, pencilling in an answer with his free hand. 

A small, slow warmth started to flood Yamaguchi’s cheeks, and he stared at Tsukishima’s fingers, bewildered. 

It wasn’t as if they’d never touched before. They hadn’t necessarily _held hands,_ but when they were little, the two of them had been excessively physically affectionate at one point. That is, until Tsukishima went through a period of Doom And Gloom, as younger Yamaguchi liked to call it, and told him that touching each other so much was weird. As it was, Yamaguchi looked up to Tsukishima too much to disagree, even though he secretly was extremely disappointed.

But they hadn’t done anything of the sort lately. There wasn’t any reason to, nothing more than a high-five during volleyball, or an occasional brushing of their shoulders as they walked, or a casual knock of their knees against each other while sitting. 

So Yamaguchi couldn’t really be blamed when he froze in his tracks, face red, as Tsukishima’s hand lingered. His long fingers covered Yamaguchi’s nicely, satisfying not only to feel but also to look at. Yamaguchi kind of wished he could pull out his phone and snap a picture.

Tsukishima’s hands were surprisingly soft, despite all of his volleyball playing, and Yamaguchi followed the curves of his hands with his eyes. Yeah, okay, they were a bit bony, but they were still undeniably _pretty._ They were also beginning to drive Yamaguchi a bit stir crazy.

“Um, Tsukki?” He said when he thought he’d implode if he kept quiet for much longer. 

Tsukishima hummed. 

“Your hand...” Yamaguchi managed to stammer, though this brought a whole new wave of embarrassment to him. 

Tsukishima looked up from his homework, then down at their hands. Frowning, he quickly pulled away from Yamaguchi, who felt a weird mix of relief and dismay. 

“Sorry,” Tsukishima said. “You were tapping.”

Oh.

Yamaguchi just nodded, praying that Tsukishima didn’t notice the pink dusting his cheeks, and turned back to his paper. As soon as he switched his mind back to math, he felt his face cool down. Now, about that one tricky question...

It hadn’t even been a minute before Tsukishima grabbed his hand again.

Even more startled this time than the first, Yamaguchi yelped when he felt Tsukishima’s soft skin against his.

“Tsukki, what’re you—”

“What’s this?” Tsukishima interrupted. 

His eyebrows were pinched together, and he was scowling, obvious signs of irritation. Yamaguchi gulped. Then, he glanced down to where Tsukishima was looking.

A chill instantly swept over him. 

Tsukishima was burning holes at a spot on Yamaguchi’s wrist. A spot that was decorated with tiny mark in the shape of a crescent moon.

Yamaguchi remained silent, although his heart was quickening its pace, not only because of their physical contact. Tsukishima would probably freak out if he told him the truth, he knew that much, had known it the minute the mark had appeared on his skin. Wide-eyed, locked in Tsukishima’s grip, Yamaguchi scrambled for something to say. 

“Don’t tell me,” Tsukishima began slowly, annoyance flashing in his eyes. “That this has something to do with that soulmate nonsense that’s been in the news lately.”

“N-No, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi replied quickly, giving an awkward laugh. 

Tsukishima released his grip on Yamaguchi’s hand, scowl now on his face. It made Yamaguchi’s stomach twist, because that was exactly the kind of look that Tsukishima gave... Well, everyone who _wasn’t_ Yamaguchi. It was rare that it was directed towards him, but when it was... God, it felt miserable.

“You’re a terrible liar, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima said, sounding irritated. 

Yamaguchi swallowed.

“Drawing things on your arm in hopes that you’ll recieve a ‘soulmate’ is really dumb.” Tsukishima continued. 

“I didn’t draw it, though!” Yamaguchi protested.

Tsukishima’s eyes narrowed. Okay, wrong thing to say. 

“Don’t lie to me,” He snapped. 

“I’m not lying!” Yamaguchi felt a bit desperate, wanting that look in Tsukishima’s eyes to go away, to have Tsukishima look at him like he was his best friend again, instead of a used tissue. 

The look didn’t go away, though. 

Tsukishima let out an annoyed huff. 

“Whatever,” He said. “If you want to act childish, suit yourself.”

He turned back to his notebook, a sure sign that he was ending the conversation here. Yamaguchi bit back the urge to retort, to explain everything to Tsukishima, to try and get him to understand what he was going through. 

He clenched his pencil hard in his hand, gritting his teeth as he stared down at the stupid math problem from before. He stared at it until the numbers swam before his eyes, until he felt the tension melting out of him as the seconds ticked by, until he was relaxed and ready to accept whatever opinion Tsukishima had. 

Exhaling slowly, he said, “Tsukki, what’s the answer to question 5?” 

Just like that, the uncomfortable atmosphere around the two disappeared, and Tsukishima scooted his paper closer to show Yamaguchi. Not another word of their argument from before was said for the rest of the evening.

*

Yamaguchi lay in bed that night, unable to sleep.

It was as if he was floating in an ocean, lulled into relaxation by the waves, but as soon as he began to slip under the surface and descend into the abyss that was sleep, he was yanked out of the water. Specifically, he was yanked out of the water by Tsukishima’s hand, the one that had grabbed onto Yamaguchi’s wrist earlier. 

Yamaguchi held his hand up to his face in the dark. He couldn’t see anything, he couldn’t see the moon, but he swore he felt something where Tsukishima had grabbed him earlier. Almost as if he’d been seared by it. Dropping his arm back onto his bed, he sighed. 

Tsukishima didn’t believe in soulmates. Yamaguchi knew that. They’d first heard about the idea together, when there had been a news segment on it a few months ago. The woman on screen had launched into great detail, about the remarkable story of a young man who had had strange dreams for about a week. According to him, he’d been so unsettled by them, that he began to seriously analyze them. Upon doing so, he discovered that his dreams seemed to be clues for something: clues to help him find someone.

The segment continued, discussing how the man had continued to analyze his dreams, to jot them down and think about them beyond the few moments after he’d awoken. Eventually, one morning, after another strange dream, he’d woken up to find an odd mark on his arm. Shortly after, he ran into a woman his age at the supermarket, and realized that they both shared marks pertaining to the other person. 

With the conclusion that the marks had been soulmate-identifying ones, the segment ended. Yamaguchi remembered how Tsukishima had scoffed and called it “a load of bullshit.” Yamaguchi had laughed along with him, but deep down, he’d thought that the idea of soulmates were kind of nice. But maybe that was just him projecting his fantasies of being Tsukishima’s soulmate onto a random man on the news who could very well be lying. 

Afterwards, the media practically exploded with similar cases across the world. Yamaguchi kept up with it all in secret, fascinated, and although there were skeptics at school who would sneer (Tsukishima included), there were also various couples that began to claim they were soulmates. People wore their marks on their body proudly, not bothering to hide them, although there were indeed many who were faking it.

Yamaguchi hadn’t really believed in it at first, it was just a fun sort of thing to keep up with, a hopeful _maybe_ that existed. After all, he wasn’t Tsukishima, who had started receiving confessions from girls who drew fake soulmate on themselves, no doubt only adding to the hesitancy that Tsukishima felt towards the subject.

No, Yamaguchi hadn’t really believed in it at first. That is, until he started having dreams. 

Unlike most people’s, his dreams weren’t unsettling at all. It was obvious from the start who was in them, although only glimpses were shown: tufts of blond hair, the zoomed-in black rim of glasses, a sneaker squeaking against the volleyball court. Yamaguchi felt detached from the scenes presented to him, as if he were watching from above, but it wasn’t a bad feeling at all.

He remembered waking up the first night, wondering if it was all a product of wishful thinking. He’d brushed it off, even, until the dreams came again. 

They kept coming, and eventually, Yamaguchi had woken up, gasping, with a burning pain on his wrist. When he looked at it, the skin was marked with a dark moon, and he’d proceeded to spend the entire morning freaking out.

Of course, because Tsukishima was so adamant on the ridiculousness of soulmates, Yamaguchi kept it quiet. He had gingerly covered the moon, which no doubt was a reference to Tsukishima’s name, with a bandaid, and made sure his sleeves dangled past his wrists. He’d succeeded, up until the current evening, where he’d conveniently forgotten to cover it up. 

He couldn’t seem to forget the look on Tsukishima’s face, and he felt a pang in his heart as he rubbed the skin on his wrist absentmindedly. 

Tsukishima was his _soulmate,_ he should’ve been _ecstatic,_ but all of his previous hope had faded away the moment that the mark had actually shown up on his skin. Tsukishima wasn’t cruel or opinionated enough to stop hanging around Yamaguchi for something like this, but he _was_ known to “not tolerate idiots”. In his words. 

Yamaguchi closed his eyes again. 

_Whatever,_ he thought sleepily. _This is a problem for tomorrow._

That seemed to do the trick, and Yamaguchi plunged past the surface at lightning speed, towards the dark ocean floor.

*

When Yamaguchi woke up, it was to a text message from Tsukishima.

**From: tsukki!**  
I’m feeling sick. I won’t be at school today. 

Yamaguchi frowned. Somehow, he didn’t believe Tsukishima. He rarely got sick, and when he did, the warning signs were always obvious. 

He chewed on his nail thoughtfully. Was he skipping school because of their argument? That didn’t make sense, though, because they’d made up. (Well, not _made up,_ so much as _pretended nothing had happened._) Maybe there was something at school that he was dreading, a confrontation with a teacher, or another expected fake-soulmate confession. But it wasn’t like him to avoid situations, he was more of the type to just try and get them over with. 

Slowly, Yamaguchi’s fingers found his keyboard. 

**To: tsukki!**  
aw no :( feel better tsukki! 

And then,

**To: tsukki!**  
do u need me to drop off our homework? 

The response was instant, and Yamaguchi startled at how quickly his phone buzzed. Tsukishima was fast at responding to him, sure, but this felt almost as if he’d left his messages open, staring at the screen and waiting for a reply.

**From: tsukki!**  
No. I’ll get it tomorrow. 

**From: tsukki!**  
Don’t come over. I’m contagious. 

That was also strange. Yamaguchi had only alluded to dropping off his homework, not coming over to hang out, or even stay for past five minutes. Confused, he typed out a _get well soon_ message, then left his phone on the nightstand to get ready for the day. 

School itself dragged by slowly without Tsukishima, as it always did. It wasn’t particularly lonely because he had the team, as well as other friends, but he found himself sending Tsukishima constant text message updates anyways. Tsukishima replied in that same abnormally quick way as the morning, and Yamaguchi would always hesitate before sending something back. He also found himself subconsciously touching the moon on his wrist much more than usual. 

Before bed, unable to shake the weird feeling that had arisen with Tsukishima’s strange behavior, Yamaguchi impulsively sent him another message. 

**To: tsukki!**  
what’s the name of it?

**From: tsukki!**  
What’s the name of what?

**To: tsukki!**  
ur sickness

This time, Tsukishima didn’t respond right away, which only made the pit in Yamaguchi’s stomach churn. He stared intensely at his phone screen for a few minutes, as if he could somehow _will_ Tsukishima into answering.

When the little typing bubble popped up, he felt dumb satisfaction swirl inside of him. 

**From: tsukki!**  
It’s just a cold. Nothing serious. 

A generic response. It didn’t ease Yamaguchi’s worry at all.

**To: tsukki!**  
will u be back at school tomorrow?

**From: tsukki!**  
I don’t know. 

Yamaguchi sighed. Shooting the other boy a goodnight text, he leaned back against his pillows, staring at the ceiling again. Something still didn’t feel quite right.

*

Tsukishima didn’t show up to school the next day. Or the day after that, or the day after that.

Yamaguchi was feeling increasingly unsettled, as if something was obviously wrong, but the two of them were both choosing to ignore it. People at school commented on his odd nature, most of them remarking that it must be because of Tsukishima’s absence, which was most definitely true. Which was why, after some long internal debates, he decided to show up to Tsukishima’s house, even though Tsukishima repeatedly told him not to come. 

A folder propped underneath his arm, he rang the doorbell, shifting nervously from foot to foot. When it swung up, revealing the warm, smiling face of Tsukishima’s mother, Yamaguchi straightened up. 

“Tadashi!” She greeted warmly. “Are you here to see Kei?”

Yamaguchi gave her a small grin. “Yeah, I brought his work from school.” He gestured towards the folder he was holding.

“Well, come on in!” She chirped. “He’s up in his room.”

Yamaguchi mumbled a small thanks as he stepped inside, kicking off his shoes at the entrance. Giving a polite wave to Tsukishima’s mother, he climbed the stairs slowly, feeling a bit nervous. Tsukishima had explicitly told him not to come, yet here he was anyways, and he wasn’t sure if that was enough to warrant another Tsukishima Look. 

Whatever. Worst case scenario, he could say that their teacher had pestered him into giving Tsukishima his work, drop it off quickly, and then rush back out after seeing whether he was okay or not. 

Yamaguchi pushed open the door to Tsukishima’s room gently, assuming that he had already heard the doorbell and figured out the situation. 

Right away, Yamaguchi could tell that Tsukishima wasn’t actually sick.

The soup bowls on the nightstand and the tissues littering the floor said otherwise, but after one look at Tsukishima, Yamaguchi could tell they had been placed there deliberately. Tsukishima was sitting straight up in his bed, headphones dangling around his neck, staring at Yamaguchi. 

“Um,” Yamaguchi, feeling scrutinized under the intensity of his stare, stammered. “I brought your work...”

Tsukishima continued to stare, and as Yamaguchi walked over slowly towards his bed, he saw that Tsukishima looked annoyed, sure, but he also looked a bit... Scared. 

This took him aback, and Yamaguchi retracted slightly, blinking in confusion as he studied Tsukishima’s face. It was his eyes that gave him away, he discovered almost immediately. His face was scrunched up into its usual scowl, the one that Yamaguchi had been dreading, the one that was rarely directed at him, but his _eyes._ Gleaming behind his glasses, they looked, without a doubt, frightened.

“Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima asked flatly.

“Huh?” Yamaguchi replied dumbly, tearing his eyes away from Tsukishima’s face. A fierce blush crept its way up his neck, but he tried to ignore that. 

“My notes.” 

“Oh.” Yamaguchi suddenly remembered his original excuse for stopping by. He placed the folder down next to Tsukishima, then hesitated. 

“Do... You want me to stay and work on this with you?” He added.

Tsukishima looked at him warily for a few moments, fear still lingering in his gaze, and Yamaguchi felt his heart thump. Why on earth was he _scared_ to be around _Yamaguchi?_

Despite all of his hesitancy, though, he found himself curious for answers, wanting to know just exactly was bothering Tsukishima so much that he was faking sick to avoid going to school. Which was why he’d asked that question in the first place, to try and see if he could stay for a bit and worm the answer out of Tsukishima. 

“If you want.” Tsukishima said after a long pause.

Yamaguchi felt a flood of relief. So maybe Tsukishima wasn’t avoiding _him,_ then. 

Yamaguchi sat at the foot of Tsukishima’s bed, several inches away from him, and pulled out his own homework. They worked quietly, the only sounds being the scratches of their pencils against the paper. Never once did Tsukishima fake a cough, or a sneeze, or even grab a tissue from the box beside him. Yamaguchi found this unsettling, but said nothing. 

It was after yet another difficult math problem that he noticed Tsukishima wasn’t working. He’d turned towards him, ready to break the silence, to ask him for help. Then he saw that Tsukishima wasn’t even holding his pencil, simply staring at the paper in front of him as if it were in a foreign language.

“Tsu...” Yamaguchi had started, then broke off. “...kki?” 

Tsukishima seemed to snap out of his stupor then. Picking up his pencil, he avoided eye contact as he scribbled out an answer.

And then Yamaguchi saw it.

“Do you need help?” Tsukishima asked.

But Yamaguchi was no longer thinking about math. No, instead, his heart felt like it had stopped in his chest, like time had turned tangible in the air around them, thick and soupy and slowing down everything.

Because when Tsukishima had written down that answer, the sleeve on his shirt had ridden up slightly. And it rode down immediately after, but Yamaguchi had seen. He had seen it clear as day. 

The small, dark mark on the side of his wrist. In the exact same place that Yamaguchi’s soulmate mark was. 

Tsukishima looked up once he realized that Yamaguchi hadn’t answered him. Then, he saw where Yamaguchi was looking, and his eyes widened almost comically. Grabbing at his own arm, the fear in his eyes seemed to pool, until they encompassed the entirety of his irises.

“Yamaguchi,” He said, a note of desperateness ringing out in the sluggish-feeling air. “It’s... It’s not — ”

Yamaguchi cut him off. “Were you _avoiding me_ because you got a _soulmate mark?!_” He asked incredulously.

Really, it made so much sense. Tsukishima, the logical, calm, and calculating boy who didn’t even remotely believe in the idea of soulmates, proof or not, got suddenly shaken when he himself received a soulmate mark. Panicked, he then tried to avoid the problem, even though that was something he never did, because he was so afraid of being wrong. Because he didn’t know what to do, once he discovered that his soulmate was his best friend.

It was funny, really, just how much Yamaguchi could predict about Tsukishima’s answer.

Tsukishima was playing with his fingers again, twisting and folding them together, a nervous habit of his. His shirt sleeve rode up again, and this time, Yamaguchi got a clear view of what exactly it was. A star. 

“...Yes.” Tsukishima finally spoke up, so quietly that Yamaguchi almost didn’t catch it.

Yamaguchi just stared at him, stared at his best friend, his _soulmate,_ who looked so anxious to be around him, and his stomach clenched. He didn’t like this feeling. It was even worse than when Tsukishima had been annoyed with him the other night. 

_”Why?”_ Yamaguchi asked softly. 

Tsukishima slumped against the wall, looking defeated. 

“I didn’t know what to do,” He said quietly. He added, “I didn’t believe in soulmates for so long, and then...” 

Yamaguchi, unsure of what exactly would be the best thing to do in this situation, shifted closer to Tsukishima. He touched his shoulder lightly, half expecting Tsukishima to flinch away, but he didn’t.

“It’s okay, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi replied. “I wouldn’t have judged you.”

“I know. It was just... My pride.”

Yamaguchi had figured as much. 

“Tsukki...” He began nervously. “You know that... My soulmate is you, right?” 

Tsukishima fixed him with a look that said _you’re an idiot,_, but it was the look he reserved for Yamaguchi, so it didn’t sting. “Yes.”

“Am I...?”

“Yes.”

Hearing it said aloud like that made it feel a bit hard for Yamaguchi to breathe. Of course, he knew that would be the only logical answer, because soulmates went both ways, but _still._ He’d probably been in love with Tsukishima ever since they were kids, and it felt so... Refreshing to hear that his feelings were reciprocated.

“Why a star?” He blurted, not really sure of what else to say. 

“Ah...” Tsukishima’s cheeks were turning a light pink color, and Yamaguchi felt his heart spike when he thought, _I did that._ “That’s... In my dreams, your freckles...”

Oh, wow. Oh, _wow._

“Reminded you of stars?” Yamaguchi asked, dumbstruck. 

“...Yeah.” Tsukishima’s cheeks looked like they were on fire now. 

“Oh my God...” Yamaguchi said breathlessly, a dumb smile spreading across his face. 

Tsukishima scowled, but there was no menace in it. “Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi responded on reflex, but he was still grinning widely. 

And then, because he couldn’t help himself, not when his insides were bubbling over with happiness and Tsukishima looked so endearing, he leaned up and pressed a quick kiss on his cheek. 

Tsukishima inhaled sharply, and Yamaguchi faltered after pulling away, wondering if he’d read the mood wrong, but then he looked up and saw that Tsukishima didn’t seem annoyed at all, and he relaxed.

“You know, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said cheerfully, unable to stop himself. “I think I’ve been in love with you ever since we were little.”

Tsukishima let out one of his _Yamaguchi, why would you say that_ huffs, but then let out a tiny, “...Me too.”

Yamaguchi grinned, and dropped his head onto Tsukishima’s shoulder. Tsukishima didn’t stiffen, or pull away, and Yamaguchi saw that as a victory in his mind. Hesitantly, a bit unsure, Tsukishima wrapped an arm around Yamaguchi, who felt his heart absolutely _melt._

Tsukishima may not have believed in soulmates at first, but Yamaguchi couldn’t be more glad that he had changed his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> title from [here](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8qGFAkyfjDU) and my fic twitter is [here.](https://mobile.twitter.com/3phmere) comments and kudos make my day!


End file.
